


There's No Crying In Baseball...Except When There Is

by jungle_ride



Category: A League of Their Own (1992)
Genre: Best Friends, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Family Feels, Ficmix, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Male-Female Friendship, Parent-Child Relationship, Platonic Relationships, Secret Relationship, Self-Discovery, Team as Family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-11
Updated: 2020-08-11
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:08:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25802617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jungle_ride/pseuds/jungle_ride
Summary: It's 1945 and the Rockford Peaches are about to start their second season, this time. Dottie might be gone but Marla and Betty have returned, so the game goes on and this time the Rockford Peaches are hoping for a championship title. A lot is happening both on the field and off, heartbreak, grief, love, self-discovery etc but as the girls discovered last season, no matter what, they’ve got each other’s back.A ficmix, containing 5 different stories centering around the characters Betty, Evelyn, Marla, Alice/Shirley and Mae & Doris.
Relationships: Evelyn Gardner & Stilwell Gardner, Jimmy Dugan & Evelyn Gardner, Mae Mordabito & Doris Murphy, Marla Hooch/Nelson, Shirley Baker/Alice Gaspers
Comments: 2
Kudos: 3





	There's No Crying In Baseball...Except When There Is

**Author's Note:**

  * For [rinadoll](https://archiveofourown.org/users/rinadoll/gifts).



> This was created for the winning bidder rinadoll during a fandom auction. I sincerely hope you enjoy this because I had an absolute BLAST creating it.
> 
> Listen either via clicking on the individual song to go to Youtube vid  
> Click on the Spotify playlist under each characters section

**Betty Horn**

Betty Horn had left the Rockford Peaches a lot sooner than she’d been expecting. The way in which she’d been forced to depart had left a deep chasm inside her chest. Instead of returning home with a championship she'd come back with a heart shattered. Her George, her perfect George was never coming home and the pain cut so deep Betty wondered how she breathed most days.

**[The Ghost Of You by Halocene](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RRJL37QQKnQ) **

_And all the things that you never ever told me_

_And all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me_

_Never coming home, never coming home_

Betty had returned home in a cloud of despair. She barely remembers the funeral having left it for others to arrange, it hadn't matter to her what the arrangements were, they weren't going to bring George back. Mornings were the worst, she’d forget for a second, still half asleep and lost in a dream she’d reach across the bed, searching for contact with broad shoulders and those soft green eyes, only to find her herself staring into thin air, fingers curling around empty bed sheets. Reality would hit her then, knocking the breath from out of her lungs as she sobbed helplessly into her pillow. George was dead and as far as Betty was concerned, the world had ended. But as Betty would soon realise, the world just kept on turning, she however did not. 

[ **Without You by **Rosario Dawson (ft Adam Pascal)**** ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-2CV57EPT3U)

_The world revives, colors renew_

_But I know blue, only blue_

_Lonely blue, within me blue_

The callers had come in their droves offering their condolences, eyes full of pity, hugging her and touching her shoulder in sympathy. Their hands had felt like branding irons, marking her each time with the unwanted title of widow. The Rockford Peaches had sent her a huge bouquet of flowers, a note apologizing that they could not be there in person. Betty had put those ones by the window, not having the heart to throw them out like all the others. Betty confined herself to solitude, shut the door, turned off the phone and refused to leave the house. She became a ghost, haunting the empty shell of what used to be a home.

[ **Haunted House by Florence and The Machine** ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Txb-UPzRU2E)

_My heart is like a haunted house t_ _here's things in there that scratch about_

_They make their music in the night a_ _nd in the day they give me such a fright_

Betty’s hometown friends, her parents, even George’s parents, deep in their own grief, had all tried to pull Betty out of the pit she’d fallen into. Betty sent them away. She ignored the letters piling up at the door, even when the familiar script of her teammates began turning up weekly. When she hadn’t responded to the first dozen they’d taken to leaving lipstick kisses in a variety of shades (bright red for Mae, a bruising burgundy for Doris (borrowed from Mae), soft peach for Evelyn, an earthy red orange for Alice, a soft light pink for Shirley (given to her by Alice), orchid red for Marla (a wedding present from the team), a natural nude for Helen and pink champagne for Ellen). Along with the kisses came snippets of words on the envelope themselves. 

_#7,_ _left field needs you and so do we._

_Betty “Spaghetti”, you're one of a kind._

_Come back to us._

_We miss you._

_We love you._

[ **Heavy On My Heart by Anastasia** ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dcl5fnHw-CQ)

_There's a journey in my eyes i_ _t's getting hard for me to hide_

_Like the ocean at the sunrise_

Betty knows the second season is due to start soon. Her mother tells her as much. She informs Betty that Mr Lowenstein phoned her, telling her that Betty’s place on the team was still open, that they wanted her back for the second season. When Betty simply shrugs, her eyes looking out of the window, hollow and empty, her mother sighs and gets up to leave. She places a letter on the table next to Betty, kisses her forehead and tells her George would have wanted her to play. That it would hurt him to see her like this. The moment Betty hears the front door close she screams and screams into a pillow. 

[ **Say Your Name by Plum** ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1cRe9DWzaqc)

_When does this broken_ _heart that I'm holding b_ _eat on its own_

_When do I stop_ _feeling this burn_

It isn’t till the next day she remembers the letter on the table. The script on the envelope is heavy handed and barely legible as if the person who wrote it had written it quickly before they lost their nerve. Betty knows without opening it that it’s Jimmy’s handwriting. It’s the first time that Jimmy has attempted to contact her. She hesitates for a moment, but is unable to resist. Jimmy Dugan was not a man to waste his words on false pleasantries, if he was writing to her then it deserved to be read. 

Inside there is no letter, just a baseball card. It’s the baseball card Betty had tried to get him to sign for George, the first time they’d met. Jimmy has signed this one. 

Betty remembers how George had desperately asked her to get it signed for him. He’d been so excited that Jimmy was to be their manager. Betty remembers the boyish delight in his letters, the pride as he’d declared. 

_“My wife’s going to be playing professional baseball”._

_“I saw you on the newsreel. You make baseball look better than ever Betty Spaghetti.”_

_“When you get your own baseball card, can I have the first signed one.”_

_“I need a pin that says husband to number 7.”_

_“I’m so proud of you.”_

_“As soon as I’m home I’m coming to every game.”_

Betty falls to the floor, hand clutching the baseball card to her chest as the memories flood her system, tears streaming down her cheeks. Her mother's words echo back in her ears. “George would want you to play.” She knows the truth of it, like she knows her own heartache.When the tears finally stop and she can catch her breath, she phones Mr Lowenstein, tells him, much to his delight, that she’ll be there. 

[ **Until The Levee by Joy Williams** ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JcX7bJQZLL4)

_I'm gonna stand,_ _I'm gonna stand here in the ache_

_Until the levee, until the levee on my heart breaks_

When she finally sees the girls again, it’s a relief she hadn’t realised she’d been craving. Alice, who had raced over to her to hold her, when the news of George had first come, embraces her first, their joint tears mixing together on their cheeks. Jimmy plays around with his hat, taking it off, putting it back on, over and over as he stands awkwardly in the back watching her as the girls welcome her back. The last time she’d seen him, he’d delivered the news of that wretched telegram and picked her broken body up off that bench. Betty offers him a hesitant watery smile and Jimmy nods back. Betty makes sure to thank him properly for the card later, Jimmy shrugs it off like it was nothing, but Betty notices how he keeps a close eye on her, especially when the anniversary of George's death comes around.

[ **I'll Carry You by Sandi Thom** ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Z8fc94o7WU)

_And I know your heart is heavy, your eyes are sore_ _and the weight of the world, is on you_

_Well I will lift you up, darlin' pu_ _t your hand in mine_

_I'll carry you over the finish line_

Throughout the season the girls swarm her with their love and bonds of sisterhood. Offering her support and understanding. Over time Betty starts to put herself back together again, starts to carve out a new life for herself. Although the grief doesn't leave her and will forever be a fixed point, she’s able to move her orbit a little further away from it. 

[ **Better In Time by Leona Lewis** ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qSxyffSB7wA)

_Thought I couldn't live without you_ _it's going to hurt when it heals too_

_Oh yeah (It'll all get better in time)_

_Even though I really love you_ _I'm gonna smile because I deserve too_

**[ _{Spotify Playlist}_ ](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7HqjqBLXj4SRrWR2Ap3F8s?si=HfvEvR5IQV6p8eOUJF-5ug) **

_~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_

**Evelyn Gardner**

For Evelyn joining the Rockford Peaches had been the bravest thing she’d ever done but more than that, it had been the start of a liberation, the first link in shackles, bound to her for years, finally being released. Evelyn hadn’t had any support, at least not anyone on the homefront. Everyone around her had been against her joining the team and boy had they let her know it. They told her it was improper, that the idea was a disgrace to the name wife and mother. Told her she should be concentrating on her home and maintaining her role as a housewife. Evelyn had always been complicit to others' opinions, always afraid to break the status quo, ever since she’d been old enough to realise others eyes where watching her. There was a reason her husband, Joe, called her mouse so it had taken a lot to even try out for the team let alone join it. 

[ **Silent Women by Martha Tilston** ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xV6h_84AkFg)

_Which road should I take my friends_

_To follow you blindly to the end_ _or beat my own path through the wood_

Her brother though (off fighting in the war), as always, was completely on her side. He had sent her a letter. In it he had recalled the hours they’d spent on the field together, Russel taking a young Evelyn with him to play, as their parents went through another screaming match. In his letter he’d said “you always lit up on the field, like a little glowing light, you know I haven’t seen that in you since then Evie and I miss seeing it. I think now's the time. Go get em Evie!” 

[ **Brave by Sara Bareilles** ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QUQsqBqxoR4)

_I just wanna see you_

_I wanna see you be brave_

She’d wanted to make Russell proud, but more than that she too missed the girl she’d been. This was the first time, in a long time, that she really wanted something for herself and now that she’d played with the idea, she knew she couldn’t let it go. When she’d tentatively came to Joe, pleading for him to let her go, that the money alone was reason enough, he hadn’t even looked at her, just laughed, grabbed another bear from the fridge and said “sure little mouse you go play ball, let the snakes eat you alive. You’ll be crying in a week, back in two.” Evelyn had wanted to prove him wrong, she’d wanted to be seen. So she took a deep breath and made the decision. She was going!

[ **Invisible by Jennifer Hudson** ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i03jSrxJN2k)

_And now I'm gonna live my life for me_ _cause this ain't how it's supposed to be_

_No more standing in the back of the line_ _cause I'm invisible for the last time_

It hadn’t been easy. The season had tested her in more ways than one, pushing her well past her limits both as a player and a mother. When Joe phoned (the only call he ever made whilst she was away) to tell her he was too busy looking at wanted ads and so was sending Stillwell to her and that she better “shut up about it”, Everlyn had innocently said “you miss me then” hoping for some kind of indication of a love between them. A love that she was starting to doubt ever existed. Joe had only scoffed unkindly, gone on a rant about the burden of undeserving wives and improper mothers before finally telling her “without you mouse life is peachy” before slamming the phone down. The exchange only deepened Everlyn's questions about her relationship and the limitations she’d placed upon herself. 

[ **Peachy By Missy Higgins** ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6rtGmQJXseI)

_It's not my fault_

_It can't be my fault_

_That you speak to me the way you do_

Everlyn had fumbled through the season, she’d fallen and yes she’d cried. Jimmy had yelled at her, all fire and passion and in that moment, all she could see and hear were all her naysayers pushing her back down in the dirt. She’d really thought she wasn’t good enough. So yes Joe had been right, she’d cried, but she hadn’t quit. Being a part of the team had begun to ignite something inside of her, a drive to prove herself to herself. 

[ **Not Backing Down by Blanca** ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JonNiwvS47U)

_But the more I get to know me_ _the more you start to show me_

_This isn't how it's meant to be_

Despite its tribulations Evelyn had loved every second of being on the team, sure they hadn’t won, but there was always next season. So when the season finally comes to an end Evelyn had felt on top of the world. She was ready and willing to reform her life, to take control and raise her voice, no more little mouse. Of course it’s a lot easier to say it than to do it, especially when you’re far enough away. Evelyn soon found that it was not so easy to do when you’re back there. Evelyn finds herself falling into familiar patterns. She notices the stares, the gossipy whispering and feels herself shirking. Joe is even more distant than before and pays her no attention, he spends more hours away than at home, apparently always at the new job he’s managed to secure, but Evelyn hears the lie. Evelyn knows everything is wrong but she can’t seem to find her voice. 

[ **Fighting Suspicions by Rebecca Ferguson** ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tsR8zXMJQOo)

_Isn’t it amazing what a lonely heart will have you do_

_Just when you think you’re getting wiser_

_Somebody comes along, and you’re stuck like glue_

In the end, the truth comes out because Evelyn comes home to find Joe in bed with another woman. Truth be told she’s not surprised Joe’s been unfaithful (she suspects this isn’t the first time) but she’s hurt all the same. Evelyn comes crashing back to earth hard but in it she also finds the faintest power of her voice. Without thinking, Evelyn packs up and leaves. Stillwell in tow.

[**Dusty Road by Missy Higgins** ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GKd6aYP_VLA)

_See I gotta tell you, I need you to know, y_ _ou were my ruin when you took hold._

_You made me believe the lies you told, b_ _ut you won't get away with the pride you stole._

_Getting off this dusty road._

It’s only when their standing by the road suitcases in hand that Evelyn realises her life is in complete shambles, and she has no idea what to do now. She’s not sure why in the end she rings Jimmy. He’s her manager not her keeper and truth be told Evelyn’s still not sure he likes her all that much. Lord knows Stillwell wasn’t his favourite but Evelyn thinks about how he’d been pissed about her faux pas on the field in that last match but how he hadn’t yelled at her, and she knows how much that had taken. Jimmy had shown her an understanding and a kindness she hadn’t had from a man since her brother. So she calls him, shame eating her alive, heart breaking and apologising through the tears. Jimmy grumbles and moans, tells her he can’t understand half of what she’s saying, but that to stay where she is because he’s coming to pick her up. 

[ **Psychobabble by Frou Frou** ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B5bul5HwCQY)

_How did you get this number?_

_I can't get my head 'round you_

_Of course you're not coming over_

_Snap out of it y_ _ou're not making any sense_

Evelyn expects Jimmy to just give them a ride and that’s it, but like always he surprises her. Jimmy sticks around, makes sure he’s able by helping her rent a room in the boarding house he’s staying at. When Stilwell is settled into bed, Jimmy lets her get blind drunk and cry all over him about Joe and wallow in self pity for a few hours, before he finally takes hold of her shoulders, looks her in the eye and tells her to buck up because she’s worth more than that piece of shit and that tomorrow they’re going to start work on her not missing the cut off man because they've got a championship to win! Making Evelyn laugh. 

[ **Basket Case by Sara Bareilles** ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HOHVZ-NP53A)

_He's not a magic man or a perfect fit b_ _ut had a steady hand and I got used to it_

_And a glass cage heart and invited me in a_ _nd now I'm just a basket case without him_

Jimmy helps Evelyn start to separate her life from Joe, he goes with her to set up a separate bank account and also makes sure she transfers the money she earnt through baseball into the new account, despite her lingering guilt. He tells her “You earned it, you keep it”. It’s a strange set up. Jimmy and her make an odd pair but somehow it works. They spend time together, mostly training but sometimes just because. They drink, they talk, they share scars. Jimmy always treats her like he’s caught somewhere between crippling exasperation and genuine affection but Evelyn knows now, Jimmy’s got her back. 

[ **400 Lux by Lorde** ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2u4eYlZNh9Q)

_(And I like you)_

_I love these roads where the houses don't change (and I like you)_

_Where we can talk like there's something to say_

Stillwell, so much like this father, always used to getting his own way is still a handful, even more so when he starts to realise that “home” isn’t home anymore. More often than not Evelyn is embarrassed and guilt ridden about her failures at motherhood and marriage, though she does her best to hide it.

[ **Waterproof Massacra by Sheryl Crow** ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=35inDdP2IOY)

_And so I wear waterproof mascara_

_There's things you shouldn't see when you're a kid_

When the next season finally comes around Evelyn is more than relieved to be back on the field, even if she knows she’s using it as a distraction. It’s easier to run away from reality and the divorce papers she still hasn’t filed for, when you’ve got a match to win and a ball to catch. 

[ **Superwomen by Rebecca Ferguson**](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hMoU5W5YDXY)

_Droping the mask, uncovering my soul,_

_Loving my scars, letting go of control_

_Seeing beauty through the ashes everywhere I go_

_One minute I'm strong the next I don't know_

Although Evelyn is nervous about what the girls will think when they find out what’s happened, she's expecting to receive the same tuts of disapproval that she's been getting for months now, she shouldn’t have worried.

Mae tells her “Don’t look so glum girl, when it’s trash you take it out and don’t look back.”

Doris offers to bounce him off her right hook.

Marla tells her “the man of your dreams is right around the corner, you’ve just got to go out, get a little tipsy and sing a song.” Making Evelyn crack a smile even through her tears. 

Ellen hands her a silk hankie and tells her to “wipe those pretty blues dry because, darling, if he doesn’t realise what he had then he’s the only fool I see.” 

Shirly mutters “Men, I’m glad I don’t bother with them.” 

Betty, always full of kindness, even when she’s still grieving herself, waits for everyone to leave before she takes hold of her hand and squeezes it tight. She says “looks like we’re both carving out a new life for ourselves.”, hugs her and whispers “let’s make them good ones.” 

[ **Keeping Your Head Up by Birdy** ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m8AXUq5uA0Y)

_I’ll be keeping your head up_

_I’ll be keeping your head up darling_

Evelyn of course takes Stillwell along for the ride and whilst the girls and Jimmy complain about him at least 20 times a day they’re just as quick to defend her and protect him. This is proven when the coach from Kenosha Comets comes stomping over, after their match (the Comets lost) to hurl profanities and a glove at Stillwell, proclaiming he’d distracted the players. Jimmy throws the glove back at the coach before landing a punch to his jaw. Later when Evelyn asked why he did when, as she wipes the blood from Jimmy’s face, the comet's coach had gotten in a few good shots of his own before they were pulled apart, he tells her. 

“Look that little runt is all kinds of….” Jimmy trials off, biting back the insult. “But hell he’s ours, which means only we get to mess with him.” Jimmy says it so impassionedly that it makes Evelyn’s heart swell from joy.

“But I swear Evelyn if he tells me we’re gonna lose one more time, I’m going to…” and Jimmy mimics choking him. She laughs and hugs him hard. 

[ **Chosen Family by Rina Sawayama** ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8vHuo-9cha0)

_You are, you are_

_My chosen, chosen family_

Stilwell starts to calm down after that, sure he still winds everyone up, but the exchanges are softer now. More affectionate banter than raging hatred. A little brother tormenting his older honorary brother and sisters. Most of the time he now stands in the dugout, next to Jimmy pulling faces at the other team and telling them “you’re gonna lose.” Making Jimmy laugh and ruffle his hair before playfully putting him in a headlock when Stilwell turns around, faces Jimmy and says “but you're still a loser.”

[**Sweet Child O’Mine by Sheryl Crow** ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vyr-CtYGfmY)

_Now and then when I see his face_

_He takes me away to that special place_

_And if I stare too long, I'd probably break down and cry_

Stilwell is different with Everlyn too, he listens more, respects what she says. He's more affectionate, tells her one night wrapping his arms around her neck and hugging her super tight “I’m proud of you mamma.” Everlyn realises things are different between them because she’s different. She’s becoming herself again. That night she finally files for divorce. 

[ **Lose You To Love Me by Selena Gomez** ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zlJDTxahav0)

_You promised the world and I fell for it_

_I put you first and you adored it_

Over the season Everlyn realises that the girls won’t let her fade into the background of her own life. They surround her with love, support her until she starts to truly believe she is worth more than she gives herself credit for. She starts to enjoy her life again, free and independently. She lets Mae give her a makeover, takes Marla’s advice and goes dancing with the girls. She has a wail of a time. Her confidence is sky high, the world is her oyster and the Peach’s are on their way to winning the league.

[ **Woman by Kesha** ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h5U1YfbzJs8)

_I buy my own things, I pay my own bills_

_These diamond rings, my automobiles_

_Everything I got, I bought it_

_Boys can't buy my love, buy my love, yeah_

_I do what I want (she does), say what you say_

_I work real hard every day_

Which is precisely when Joe turns up, right before the championship game. He tells her he’s made a mistake and that he wants her back. Evelyn takes one look at Stillwell,dressed in a mini baseball uniform in the peach’s colours (Helen made it for him), with one chubby hand clutching at Jimmy’s pants. She looks at Jimmy, his eyes narrowed as he chews angrily on his Tabasco. She sees the girls all lined up, arms crossed and ready to literally batter up and Evelyn smiles. With a voice steady and strong she tells him her answer. 

[ **Get Out and Stay Out by **Stephanie J. Block**** ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lVZHGbz6cgk)

_You used me, abused me, you cheated and you lied_

_So get out and stay out, I'm taking back my life_

[{Spotify Playlist}](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6KtscfVYF71FuicFIvEazW?si=htxtQ4FoRwOUAMla8UKmww)

_~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_

**Marla Hooch**

Marla Hooch comes back to the Rockford Peaches, a married woman, something she never thought possible. Nelson is everything she never knew she needed, her perfect match, loving, kind and supportive.

[ **Head Over Feet by Alanis Morissette** ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T6l8OEPrIJQ)

You're the best listener that I've ever met

You're my best friend

Best friend with benefits

Marla decides to keep her last name, mainly because of baseball. Hooch was her father's name and her father had been the only one who allowed her to be herself and nurtured her talent when no one else would. When it comes to baseball Marla is a Hooch through and through. When she tells Nelson, he turns to her and says without a trace of contentment “Of course you are”. Nelson just gets her completely and it’s awesome. 

[ **You Get Me by Michelle Branch** ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1YcNEE60Tr0)

_Hey, you are on my side_

_And they, they just roll their eyes_

With her new found happiness comes a new found confidence and so when she reunites with the girls again, it’s the best feeling. Having always been an only child, with no mother, Marala revels in having multiple women around her, each one of them so different and yet no less important or beautiful. Each of them had and continues to teach Marla something, opening her up to new parts of herself. Marla is well aware that without them, she never would have had the courage to go out that night and then she never would have met Nelson. 

[ **Confident by Demi Lovato** ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B7Xhz1d4OKE)

_I used to hold my freak back_

_Now I'm letting go_

_I make my own choice_

_Bitch, I run this show_

For Marla Hooch all sorts of dreams have already come true and she’s determined to make her next one a reality. So this season Marla’s got one thing on her mind and one thing only, the championship title. That is until Nelson mentions kids.

Kids had not been something Marla had ever considered. She’d never thought she’d find someone to love her let alone have kids with them. Nelson and her hadn’t discussed all of this before getting married, which in retrospect might have been a mistake, but Marla just figured Nelson would, like everything else, get it. Nelson assures her he isn’t in a rush, that he knows how important baseball is to her and he doesn’t want her to give it up, but he figured they ought to talk about it and at least start planing for their future. For Marla though Nelson has just thrown her a curve ball she’s not sure she’s ready or skilled enough to deal with. 

[ **Caught In The Middle by Paramore** ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gQUofw_e8No)

_Can’t look back,can’t look too far ahead_

_I got the point, I got the message_

_I’m just a little bit caught in the middle_

Marla avoids conversations about it like the plague but Nelson just keeps talking about future little ones. Marla is consumed with fear at the idea of a multitude of reasons and is not any closer to figuring it out. Marla also isn’t sure how to talk about it with Nelson, how to express what it is she’s feeling, when she herself is so confused. Then there is the crushing fear. The fear of what will happen if she does or doesn’t have children. Instead of dealing with it Marla just starts keeping everything inside her which only makes things worse. 

[ **Speak Your Mind by Alice Merton** ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eElqIYrPGWU)

_Won't you speak your mind?_

_There's a silence in the room and it is killing me_

_Speak your mind_

Marla buries her feelings deep inside and tries hard to keep her sights on her goal of being champion. She ignores Nelson when he talks about maybe trying for a baby in another season’s time, pretending not to notice how everywhere she goes she sees children. The fact that Stilwell is always right there reminding her of them doesn't help. 

[ **Sights by London Grammar** ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UBxxEyVIdO4)

_Keep it in your sights now_

_It's keeping you up_

_Keep it together_

Eventually Nelson gets sick of her avoiding him and dodging the conversation. Things end up erupting between them in a big way. Marla, having kept her feelings bottled up for so long, ends up screaming and telling him she never wants kids (even though she’s not sure how true it is). She regrets it the moment she says it, but it’s too late, Nelson’s already stormed out.

[ **The Moment I Said It by Imogen Heap** ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q5Es4zg3GRY)

_No, I've never seen you like this_

_And I don't like it, I don't like it_

_I don't like it at all_

After that Nelson stops coming to the games all together, he barely talks to her, things between them are awkward and uncomfortable. There’s a distance between them now and Marla’s heart aches from it. 

[ **Still by Daughter** ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uUWrcFpmI5U)

_Two feet standing on a principle_

_Two hands digging in each others wounds_

_Cold smoke seeping out of colder throats_

_Darkness falling, leaves nowhere to move_ _  
_

The girls notice the difference in Marla and the fact that Nelson isn’t around as much. So they do what family does, they confront her about it. Marla, unable to hold back any longer, tells the girls all about what’s been going on. About how confused she is and she doesn’t know what to do. 

[ **Over My Head by Echosmith** ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E34lUyrQHxk)

_Talking in circles, got me dizzy like a merry go round_

_It shouldn't be so hard to have a conversation_

The girls are nothing but supportive and after several heart to hearts, with different members of the team. Marla starts to unravel her thoughts and feelings a little. 

[ **Third Eye by Florence and The Machine** ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SCM8Qf3eGMQ)

You don't have to be a ghost

Hidden amongst the living

You are flesh and blood

And you deserve to be loved

And you deserve what you are given 

Marla decides to write to Nelson. A long letter where she confesses her fears. That she’s terrified of motherhood. mother. She never had a mother to show her the way and well maybe she just isn’t mother material, but then again maybe she is Marla doesn't want to give him false hope but she honestly just isn’t sure right now, it’s not that she doesn’t want children but she’s still working on herself and isn’t ready to add another life into the mix. She also can’t give him a timeline on when she will be ready either. Marla tells Nelson that she understands if that’s a deal breaker for him and she’ll let him go if that’s what he wants but that she loves him and is thankful for every minute she’s spent with him and doesn’t regret a second of it. 

[ **Easy by Alice Merton** ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dzvz6CMYHQk)

_My mind is playing tricks on my heart_

_Yeah my mind is playing tricks on my heart_

Marla thinks that maybe it will be the end of them but Nelson turns up to the next game. They sit and talk for hours. Nelson tells Marla he thinks she’d make a fantastic mother, but he can live without them, what he can’t do is live without her. Marla confesses she’s been giving it a lot of thought and the more she thinks about it, the more she wants it though it still scares her. Either way by the end of their talk neither are in doubt of the love that’s between them. That it’s them till the end.

[ **Keep Us Together by Jessie J** ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-cwHlySZWcA)

_It's cool if we ain't got everything figured out_

_'Cause love ain't got all the answers baby_

_This mess we in, they don't ever really talk about it_

_But that don't mean we can't navigate it_

By the time the championship game comes and goes (Peaches winning of course) Marla hasn’t a clue what’s in store for her life next, she has no plan. Then again there’s a lot of things she never planned for, it never stopped her then, she’ll be damned if it stops her now.

[ **Rise by Katy Perry** ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9-An8D4AHt8)

_I won't just survive_

_Oh, you will see me thrive_

_Can't write my story_

_I'm beyond the archetype_

[ _{Spotify Playlist}_ ](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4ztyP1ie4MDY9ofo8gpOjy?si=-zxR33qcQT-iDsUv7KkY5w)

_~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_

**Alice Gaspers/Shirley Baker**

For Alice and Shirley their second season with the Peaches is one self acceptance and love. During the last season the pair had gotten pretty close. Their friendship had blossomed over time. The hours spent in close confinement on the bus and late night chats had cemented a solid foundation. Alice helped Shirley not only with her reading, but other skills Shirley had never learnt, having never attended school. In return Shirley listened to Alice, truly listened, letting Alice’s list her superstitions without judgment and later complying with each once. They discovered that they had a lot in common and were both a little odd, their quirks having left them both on the outside of their respective hometowns. Before long the two of them had become inseparable. Two peas in a pod. So when the season ended they’d stayed in touch, meeting up on a regular basis.

[ **My Same by Adele** ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MyQ0odvDHnw)

_I say we’ve only known each other a year_

_You say I’ve known you longer my dear_

Shirley, who has always known she was more interested in girls than boys, their soft curves and plump lips having been the center of her desires for years, has long since come to terms with it. She might not have gone to school and people often think she’s slow because of it but Shirley’s no fool. Shirley has had a few chaste kisses with some girls back home but they were more innocent than anything else, just girls being friends. Shirley has discovered over the years that for some strange reason it seemed perfectly acceptable for girl friends to kiss each other, even on the lips. No one blinks an eye because that’s just what girls did. They were affectionate. But as soon as that same kiss was approached with a romantic love, as soon as it was _girlfriends_ , then it was blasphemy. Shirley knows she’s not an educated woman, but it sure seems hypocritical and backwards to her.

[ **Only A Girl by Gia** ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jRIzDQEB1mk)

_Only a girl can make me feel this way_

Although Shirley has never actually been in love before, she knows her own heart. So when Shirley discovers that the face she sees when she fantasizes is Alice’s and Alice’s alone she’s not surprised. Shirley doesn't expect Alice to feel the same, she’s well aware about the general public’s conceses on same sex love and she’s not foolish enough to risk loosing her best friend, especially when she's given her so much comfort. 

[ **She Keeps Me Warm by Mary Lambert** ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rG4nRI9Wmzk)

_She says I smell like safety and home_

_I named both of her eyes forever and please don't go_ _  
_

Alice on the other hand has been fighting her desires for as long as she can remember. She’s known that she was different from other girls the moment puberty hit. When all her friends had been crushing on Carey Grant, she’d been busy admiring Kathrine Hepburn and wondering what it would feel like to be wrapped in her embrace. Her parents, strict church goers, had instilled in her a strict moral conduct from a young age. A conduct that meant she must remain prim and proper. They also taught her that marriage was a sacred bond between a MAN and a woman. Alice knows it’s supposed to be Adam and Alice, not Alice and Eve but Alice can’t help the way she feels.

Alice has been trying to get rid of the feelings, ever since she first discovered them. She’s lost count of the many times she’s prayed for it to just disappear. When that didn’t work she worked on hiding it. That’s a thing no one understands about Alice and her superstitions. They don’t realise she sticks to them so thoroughly because she’s terrified that her secret will come bursting out of her. They don’t understand that she’s trying to fix something that can’t be changed. 

[ **Girls by Beatrice Eli** ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Orffm0v0mS0)

_I see girls in my building_

_I see girls on the train_

_I see pictures in my head_

_I can't make go away_

Alice has never said anything to anyone, she’d known better that to test her parents devotion to her, she already knew what the outcome would be, and whilst she might have rebelled a little by joining the Peaches, it was one thing to play ball and another thing entirely to admit she was attracted to women. So when Alice finds herself falling in love with Shirley, she does what she’s used to doing. She buries it and tries to ignore the way she physically aches whenever Shirley is near her, even more so when she’s not. 

[ **Feelings by Hayley Kiyoko** ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TV-_Yuc228s)

_I'm hooked on all these feelings_

_I know exactly what I'm feelin'_

_This love asylum, like an island, just me and you_

Shirley and Alice unbeknownst to each other spend their days pining, each [pretending that being best friends is enough. 

[ **Come To My Window by Melissa Etheridge** ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gk4CwPQCbAE)

_You don't know how far I'd go_

_To ease this precious ache_

_You don't know how much I'd give_

_Or how much I can take_

_Just to reach you_

However when Shirley mutters “men, I’m glad I don’t bother with them” after Evelyn tells them about her marriage troubles Alice can’t help the hiccup of her heart. Can’t help but wonder if that meant Shirley might not be attracted to boys at all. She starts to entertain the idea that her fantasy of them could in fact become a reality. 

[ **Like You Like That by L Devine** ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G2Nffg44As4)

_If I touched you like that_

_Would you like it babe?_

_If I asked to go out_

_Would it be a date?_ _  
_

For Shirley, when Alice presents her with new reading material, a collection of poems she thought she might like more than Mae’s smut filled stories, Shirley can’t help but notice they’re all love poems. Alice has highlighted her favorite passages and lines, most often from poems by Emily Dickinson and Elizabeth Barrett Browning. 

_“I hide myself within my flower,_

_That wearing on your breast,_

_You, unsuspecting, wear me too—_

_And angels know the rest.”_

________

_Because thou hast the power and own’st the grace_

_To look through and behind this mask of me,_

_(Against which, years have beat thus blanchingly,_

_With their rains,) and behold my soul’s true face_

______

Shirley begins to wonder if there might be a hidden message in those poems. She notices how Alice wets her lips when she reads them to her, the way she leans in closer. 

**[Closer by Tegan and Sara](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9e9NSMY8QiQ) **

All I want to get is, a little bit closer

All I want to know is, can you come a little closer?

Their conversations start taking on new meanings, subtext heavy and thick as each tiptoe around what they’re actually trying to say. One night when the girls are planning to go out dancing Shirley says they should join them, they often take a rain check in favour of spending the evening by the fire reading together...but that day Alice had been broody after one of their conversations had hit a little too close to the mark and Shirley can tell she’s losing her to the shame and guilt Alice is so obviously wrestling with. 

[ **I Know A Place by MUNA** ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-t5gGm3NWU4)

_And I can tell_ _when you get nervous_

_You think being yourself_ _means being unworthy_

_And it's hard to love_ _with a heart that's hurting_

After a few drinks and a lot of dancing, they go outside for some air. It’s just them in the moonlight, both breathless for the dancing and cheeks rosy from the drink. That’s when Shirley decides to throw a little caution to the wind and kisses Alice. Alice kisses her back with all the pent up passion Shirley herself has been holding in. 

[ **Into You by Ariana Grande** ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ekZEVeXwek)

_A little less conversation, and a little more touch my body_

_'Cause I'm so into you, into you, into you_ _  
_

When they break apart Shirley’s smiling ready to profess her love but Alice bolts, leaving Shirley feeling confused. If it hadn’t been for the fact that Alice had kissed her so passionately Shirley might have thought Alice was disgusted with her. That she’s missed read the entire situation. The thing is though, Shirley knows Alice’s, knows her better than she knows herself so she understands that Alice's bolting had nothing to do with Shirley and everything to do with Alice's own inner shame. She just wishes she would share it with her. 

[ **Share It All by Jessie Ware** ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_v_9GRt05f0)

_I want you to know that I already know_

_I can see that you're thinking_

_What if you let yourself give in_

_You're looking at me like you already know_

Alice is mortified and angry with herself, fuming in fact. Half of her is berating her for running away, for leaving Shirley like that especially when she had wanted that kiss for ages and it was incredible. The other half of Alice is spooning her tales of brimstone and hellfire. Alice isn’t sure what the hell to do now. Her mind is spinning. She’s fucked everything up. Alice resorts back to her known defense system. Denial and distance! 

[ **I Am In Love With You by Imogen Heap** ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-DwFLSodn3A)

_No don't get yourself in situations_

_Darling, that you can't handle_

Shirley refuses to lose Alice from her life so she decides to be patient when Alice avoids her. She lets her, for a few days at least and then when she does approach her she doesn’t mention the kiss, letting Alice pretend it never happened. They stumble through an awkward exchange and go back to a resemblance of normal though there’s a tension between them that hadn’t been there before. _  
_

[ **Only Forever by Demi Lovato** ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1rIfH2uf_ok)

_I've been waiting_

_And I'll keep waiting_

_Only forever, only forever_

Then just when Shirley thinks that’s really it and Alice is never going to be more than, whatever it was they were. Alice sneaks into her room late one night. Alice had come into Shirley’s room that night because the ache had gotten too much, because she was sorry for how she’d handled their first kiss, because she wanted more and because she’d had enough liquid courage in her to do it. 

[ **Hostage by Billie Eilish** ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p9sUkJry_XA)

_It's not like me to be so mean_

_You're all I wanted_

_Just let me hold you_

Shirley lets her curl up in her bed and holds her. Alice kisses her, soft and gentle, an apology. Shirley tells her she loves her and holds Alice whilst she cries.When Alice hears the words “I love you” whispered in her ear, she can’t help but break down, because the words are both freeing and damming all at the same time. She wants to say it back, the words are right there bursting to get out, but they get stuck so instead she tells herself she’s going to start with small steps. She’s not going to run, says it over and over. In the moonlight it’s easy to do but as the sun starts to rise Alice finds herself retreating back into the shadows. When Shirely wakes up Alice is gone and they go back to pretending. _  
_

[ **You and I by Pvris** ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D0NqJgcbHe8)

_I know it's warmer where you are and it's safer by your side_

_But right now I can't be what you want_

_Just give it time_ _  
_

Over the course of the season they continue this push and pull exchange, stumbling and falling and tripping over feelings and fears. Shirley heart takes beating after beating as Alice spends one night in her bed and the next day pretending it never happened.

[**Boyfriend by Tegan and Sara** ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=niv4vkipc6M)

_You treat me like your boyfriend and trust me like a like a very best friend_

_You kiss me like your boyfriend_

_You call me up like you want your best friend_

_You turn me on like you want your boyfriend_

_But I don't want to be your secret anymore_

Alice repeats her cycles of self loathing and self inflicted pain, every time wishing she could just have the courage to stop running and embrace the love she feels. She gets better at it though, piece by piece she starts to get braver,stays longer, spends less time away, thinks they could do this, just maybe not in the daylight. 

[ **Shame by Mary Lambert** ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MQk4JxZ2R_I)

_One, two, earthquake_

_All of the people inside of my brain are divided and fighting_

_Say, "Get over it"_

_And shame is an ocean I swim across_

And despite the pain of having her but not having her Shirley keeps letting Alice in, offering words of comfort, helping Alice figure things out in her own time slowly. When Alice finally admits that she loves her, Shirley thinks that it’s, they’ve finally reached the end of this charade but when in the same breath Alice asks if they can just do it in secret. Shirley realises she just can’t do this anymore...not like this. 

[ **Moderation by Florence and The Machine** ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ScxZwXH09Ws)

_Want me to love you in moderation_

_Well, who do you think you're talking to?_

They argue. They don’t break up because how can you break up with someone you’re not even with. It’s a pain neither has felt before and it leaves them wrecked. 

[ **The Good Kind by The Wreckers** ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ipLo4Y7Eq1o)

_I'm tired of hiding_ _behind these lying eyes_

_I'm tired of this smile_ _that even I don't recognize_

The girls notice the rift between them, the dark circles under their eyes, the shared misery. They start to worry, start to pay closer attention to both women. Mae and Doris, the more streetwise of the girls, figure it out pretty quickly, truth be told they’d had their suspensions for some time now and it had never bothered them...Doris herself has also embraced the fact that she’s not interested in guys at all. The revelation rattles some of the girls, challenging ideals that have been Indoctrinated into some of them since childhood, until they realise that these are their sisters they're talking about.

[ **Love Is Love Is Love by LeAnn Rimes** ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MLSe9frLljw)

_I'm just trying to spark a conversation_

_A lack of love can make a tyrant, oh yeah_

_Time to open up the floodgate_

_Eradicate the insanity_ _with my unoriginal epiphany_ _  
_

Through soft little exchanges they ensure both women know that they love them unconditionally and want them to be happy. The team tells them if that means them being together then damn that’s what they should do. That they’ve got their backs. In fact the only thing that bothers them all is that both of them have been dropping their game and quite frankly they need to buck it up because they have a championship to win. 

[ **Love Is Love by Mary Lambert** ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M1FpvElncSU)

_Look at us now,_ _beautiful family_

_See how love binds our broken wings_

_And lost hearts find a home_

_And love is love is love is love_

Alice, who hadn’t believed she’d ever receive any blessings in this, is shocked, moved and supported. It gives her enough of a push to really examine what she is willing to hide and what she is not. She realises she can’t live a lie anymore, that she doesn’t want to. 

[ **Runnin by L.Devine** ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WcBKd79kHEM)

_Light bulb has gone off in my head_

_A-ha, finally it makes sense_

_Quick now, gotta jump out of bed_

_No time, couldn't leave this unsaid_

Shirley, who's been waiting for Alice for so long now, makes sure to let her know she can’t keep playing games. That it’s either now or never.

[What I Need by Hayley Kiyoko (feat. Kehlani)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YynKelHGhNc)

_What I need, what I need, what I need_

_Is for you to be sure_

When Alice and Shirley are sitting next to each other, hands entangled and lips swollen from a night of making up. No one says a damn thing, but the whole team smiles. From them on, things go pretty smoothly for the pair. They make plans and agree that together they will face whatever comes. 

[ **Girlfriend by Icona Pop** ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-5_5s5jCYUg)

_All I need in this life of sin is me and my girlfriend_

_Down to ride till the happy end, is me and my girlfriend_

[ _{Spotify Playlist}_ ](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4WebI1ECDBMI8Z8pZIJDgq?si=CBuuRZHeSY-_m97YPK-GCg)

_~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_

**Mae Mordabito & Doris Murphy**

For Mae and Doris, life with the Rockford Peaches, is just that...peaches. Not only do they get to do a job they love and get paid a decent wage they also get to do it together. 

[ **On Our Way by Christina Augilera** ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v_K09VJRVpI)

_I think we're on our our way_

_Through all the lows and highs_

_I need you by my side, singing_

_I think we're on our way_

Mae, always reckless and free spirited, is making sure to make the most of every second she gets. 

[ **Bloodline by Ariana Grande** ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uKqRAC-JNOM)

_Don't want you in my bloodline_

_Just wanna have a good time_

Doris, well like always, she's down for the ride, more than that she’s ready to carve out her own path. Doris has also made some discoveries about herself during last season, mostly regarding her sexuality. 

[ **Honey by Kehlani** ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eCH_-Zn_rwo)

_I like my girls just like I like my honey; sweet_

_A little selfish_

_I like my women like I like my money; green_

_A little jealous_

When she tells Mae as they reach New York Mae slings an arm around Dorris shoulders and says “You remember that pretty slim brunette who kept coming to your dads club back when we worked there.”

“Yeah, Rosette.She’s a dime of girl.” 

Mae grins wickedly and takes out a piece of paper from out of her purse.

“Hmm well she’s been sweet on you for the past year and last year before we left she gave me her number and address, you know just in case you might one day be interested in taking her out.”

“And you’ve had that in your purse for over a year?” Dorris says in disbelief. 

“Girl come on,” Mae says slapping her on the shoulder “you know I’ve got your back.” 

Dorris laughs and lifts her up in a bear hug. 

[ **Best Friend by Sofi Turkey** ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=grQDRC6aYFM)

_I think that I'll keep loving you, way past sixty-five_

_We made a language for us two, we don't need to describe_

They’re a good team, a fantastic one in fact. Doris makes sure to keep Mae protected and grounded whilst she goes “all the way” in having fun and Mae encourages Doris to let loose and bask in her true worth. 

[ **Bros by Wolf Alice** ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TD_Q9CxXTo4)

_Shake your hair, have some fun_

_Forget our mothers and past lovers, forget everyone_

_Oh, I'm so lucky, you are my best friend_

[ **Juice by Lizzo** ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XaCrQL_8eMY)

_I'm like chardonnay, get better over time (so you know)_

_Heard you say I'm not the baddest, bitch, you lied_ _  
_

The two girls have been firm friends from the moment they met and aint nothing going to break them apart. 

“We’re made of sass, snark and grit...” Mae says. 

“But it’s our hustle and heart that sets us apart.” Doriss finishes. 

[ **Mother's Daughter by Miley Cyrus** ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gVE2la0ENwU)

_Don't fuck with my freedom,_ _I came back to get me some_

_I'm nasty, I'm evil_

_Must be something in the water or that I'm my mother's daughter_

[ **Like A Girl by Lizzo** ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z_xCVttXLm0)

_Sugar, spice and I'm nice_

_Show me what you're made of_

_Crazy, sexy, cool baby_

_With or without makeup_

_Got nothing to prove (got nothing to prove)_

_But I'm a show you how I do_

[ _{Spotify Playlist}_ ](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3DvY90PqUpEvg6mz5Dq5gJ?si=YnFLogB1RYelU8WmpMzATA)


End file.
